Impale log

Prologue

Text MUDs were wildly popular on college campuses in the early 90s, and it was not uncommon to have over 100 concurrent players online at any given time. It was only a matter of time before players began role-playing with sexual content, beyond the mild scope of the Tolkien and Dungeons and Dragons PG-Rated Universe.

The GOD Tincan was alerted to a couple of players trading steamy play-by-play over in the log cabin situated in the Forest of Haon-Dor west of Midgaard . Why he or she checked into the cabin is anyone's guess, but what he found there became history in the following "Impale Log," widely distributed via the listservs before the web became commonplace.²  (It was most likely not Alt, who walks into the Cabin during the encounter. Tincan makes no further mention of Alt in the wizlog, though he had the opportunity.)

The original log can be found elsewhere on the net. In order to present it here, I felt that I needed to delete expletives and specific MA vocabulary for our younger readers. I fixed typos, usage errors and generally edited the log in order to tell a more concise story, without the distraction of misspellings, typos, and the abstracted snoop interface.

I've also added headings so that you can scan and find specific sections of the log quickly.

The funniest part about this log is not Forplay's itinerant pornographic writing, but the hilarious commentary of the Admin, who were snooping the session and were providing feedback as the mudsex played out. Romulus , (Cat Stanton), was pitch-perfect in her biting assessments of Forplay's hackneyed patois. A female engineer in a sea of computer science maledom, she brings her well-tuned satire to the party and delivers zinger after zinger throughout.

Prepended to the log is Tincan's note to the reader. Text within the formatting boxes contains the interaction between the two morts, Forplay and Tearria. Text outside the box presents the iIMM wizline commentary between the MUD Admin: GODs Romulus, Tincan, Ras and Kinski and DEMI Eagle.

If you have a moment someday, check into JediMUD (www.jedimud.com 4000), and visit the infamous location The Log Cabin in Midgaard's western forest!

The Impale Log

Someone told me they stumbled into a room (Midgaard Forest cabin) where a couple of morts were having mud-sex, and I started snooping. Hehe, what else could I do? It was my obligation.

-Pete (Tincan)

Foreplay

Forplay teases your body by slowly licking your navel, filling it with warm
saliva.

Forplay continues kissing downward and his hands begin moving your pants
off your body, keeping pace with his lips.

Forplay kisses along your thigh, avoiding your warm, wet part for the moment,
continuing down to your knee.

Forplay whispers to Tearria, 'Still here, love?'

Tearria whispers to you, 'yes'

Forplay finally removes your panties completely and looks down at your 
beautiful nakedness.

Forplay whispers to Tearria, 'Is what I am doing okay?  Do you like it?'

Tearria says, 'Yes.'

Forplay brings his hands back up to your knees and gently pulls your legs
apart.

Forplay begins kisses your inner thigh, working his way upward very slowly.

Forplay slides his hands upward also, and places them on either side of your
breasts.

Forplay whispers to Tearria, 'If you like it, moan honey so I know. ;)'

Forplay explores your depths gently, teasing every crevice, every fold of
skin inside you.

Tearria whispers to you, 'I'm sorry, mon ami, forgive me?'

Forplay slides his tongue deeper, exploring, tasting, causing you agonizing
pleasure.

Tearria moans with pleasure.

Tearria eats a bread.

Forplay whispers to Tearria, 'Nothing to forgive... just want to know that you
are happy, my love.'

Eating Bread

Eagle: *DEMI* ya know that "eat bread" had to spoil the moment *laugh*

Tearria whispers to Forplay, 'I am, love.'

Forplay moves the tip of his tongue up and down, rubbing hard against your
sensitive insides.

Forplay whispers to Tearria, 'Good, I am glad. I want you to dream of this for
a long time to come.'

Tearria raises her hips, bringing them to meet your exploring tongue.

Forplay adjusts his angle so his tongue fills you as much as possible, then
he explores still deeper.

Forplay explores your deeper folds, searching for your very pleasure point.

Forplay licks you gently, but firmly, each time he finds a spot you react to.

Tearria moans with pleasure as you fill her with your tongue.

Forplay whispers to Tearria, 'I want to drink your nectar.'

Forplay slides his tongue still deeper, penetrating into your soft, gentle
folds of flesh.

Tearria shivers with pleasure.

Forplay raises the tip of his tongue in a rigid flame which burns your
insides with an excrutiating pain.

Missing Mudsex ²

The first part of the mudsex snoop is intact. The middle of the transcript is missing because Tincan stopped recording soon after he started. Whether he felt that he was eavesdropping on a private moment, or embarrassed at the frank nature of the dialogue, he soon started logging again and invited additional MUD admin to the snoop. At this point, after log restart, Tincan and Eagle have been joined by Romulus, Kinski, and Ras.

Romulus: *GOD* excruciating?  what kinda woman wants to have the crap beat outta her during sex?

Tearria screams with pain and pleasure, feeling you thrust deeper and harder
than ever before.

Romulus: *GOD* oh sorry I forgot...we're dealing with someone who plays in a mud

Forplay rams into you again, the resulting pain and pleaure nearly makes you
lose conciousness.

Forplay lifts you and rams into you again and again... he shows no signs of 
slowing or tiring.

Forplay lunges against you HARD...and rides you even FASTER....

All Caps

Romulus: *GOD* uh oh he's getting into all caps now

Kinski: *GOD* Just when you thought it was safe to look over your shoulder...

Romulus: *GOD* my bet is that he's getting close

Forplay drives deeper into you, the pain makes you dizzy but the pleaure makes
you scream.

Tearria screams as you drive your body into hers.

Tincan: *GOD* as a climax he could spam her

Tincan: *GOD* no pun intended

Kinski: *GOD* ROFL

Romulus: *GOD* ROFL

Forplay braces himself then lunges again with renewed energy... driving the entire
bed against the wall.

Cabin Collapse

Kinski: *GOD* Damn... he's gonna make the cabin collapse

Tincan: *GOD* laff

Romulus: *GOD* ROFL

Tearria drinks water from a canteen.

Forplay slams into you again and again, the force of his thrusts only getting 
more powerful.

Kinski: *GOD* I've got this incredible urge to at forplay moan

Tincan: *GOD* ROFL

What Kinski is referring to is a wizlist command (AT) that allows mud admin to emote through a player, as if the player typed the emote themselves.

Forplay whispers to Tearria, 'Like this, hon? You like this? I want to make 
you happy...sore, but happy.'

Eagles

Tincan: *GOD* lets gecho the lyrics to the Eagles' song, "Take it Easy"

Kinski: *GOD* Heheheh

Forplay lifts you and rams himself still deeper... it seems as if the torture 
will never end.

Kaayla

Kaayla tells you, 'Can you come to rent?'

You tell Kaayla, 'A bit busy... sorry hon... What did you need?'

Tearria whispers to you, 'Yes, baby... I love it...'

Romulus: *GOD* LAUGH Now Kaayla wants him to come rent

Kinski: *GOD* ROFL

Forplay yanks you back into his thrusts, using your own weight to drive himself
deeper into you.

Kaayla tells you, 'Money to rent. I am short.'

You tell Kaayla, 'Oh... hmmm... I can't right now... how much did you need?'

Forplay grunts and rams harder...driving into you again and again until you are
breathless.

Forplay whispers to Tearria, 'Ever think you would be screwed in a
comp lab...? ;)'

Romulus: *GOD* I've always gotten screwed in comp labs...ever dealt with those assholes who run them?

Kinski: *GOD* ROFL

Tearria screams with pleasure as she feels you plunge deeper than anyone has ever
been before.

Ras: *GOD* you guys are all too sick for words.

Kinski: *GOD* Yep

Tincan: *GOD* It's all Rommy's fault! *snicker*

Romulus: *GOD* Of course, I had to watch you guys to make sure that you were behaving yourselves

Tearria whispers to you, 'no...but it would be better in RL love...:)'

Forplay thrusts himself into you, and very, VERY fast, responding to your screams
of ecstasy.

Ras: *GOD* laugh

Tincan: *GOD* hahaha

Romulus: *GOD* I'm just keeping an eye on things... so to speak

You tell Tearria, 'Be careful... I might take that as an invitation... ;)'

Tincan: *GOD* at least one eye?

Romulus: *GOD* *LAUGH*

Ras: *GOD* laugh, don't even suggest that to them

Tincan: *GOD* heck, a tornado could be coming, for all you'd care… heheh

Forplay continues until you are numb...and then beyond, until the pain brings
you back to reality.

Tearria tells you, 'do you want it to be an invitation?'

Forplay whispers to Tearria, 'one thing at a time, hon.... shall we finish 
this...?  ;)'

The Invitation

Romulus: *GOD* what is this "invitation" of which they speak?

Tearria whispers to you, 'of course love...'

Forplay lifts you off your knees and pushes you into the bed with all his strength.

Kinski: *GOD* They're talking RL now

Romulus: *GOD* do these cats KNOW each other real life?

Forplay drops you, but instead of landing on the ground, he impales you in midair...
the pain is intense.

Impaled!

Kinski: *GOD* OUCH!

Ras: *GOD* my, what good aim he has.

Tincan: *GOD* IMPALE

Romulus: *GOD* I say take a wiffle ball bat to the boy till he calms down

Romulus: *GOD* there's that IMPALE word again *smirk*

Kinski: *GOD* Gah! That had to hurt!

Ras: *GOD* I think we should change the max dam message from OBLITERATE to IMPALE in their honor

Ras was none other than Jeremy Elson, the CIMP coder that left WhatMUD in early 1992 to help implement his Circle 1.X modifications into the young JediMUD running at stimpy.psy.jhu.edu.

Forplay rides you like a dog....driving so deep into you that you are afraid
he will never work free.

Kinski:*GOD* ROFL

Ras: *GOD* Forplay IMPALES you with his deadly sword.. that really did HURT!

Tincan: *GOD* hahahhahahhahhahaha

Romulus: *GOD* Oh yesss baby...ride me like DOG mmm mmm good

Forplay shudders and you realize he is ready.

Come Hither

Kinski: *GOD* OH BOY!

Romulus: *GOD* I knew it! Mud men CAN'T last very long!

Kinski: *GOD* The moment we've been waiting for!

Ras: *GOD* ah yes, that infamous "cum hither" look

Romulus: *GOD* yeah...he probably ran out of words in the thesaurus for "impale"

Kinski: *GOD* Heheheheh

Kinski: *GOD* ROFL

Forplay grabs you hard and begins pummeling your body like never before, grunting
and gasping for breath as he rides you as hard as he can.

Tincan: *GOD* pummel! here let's review:

WARRIOR FIGHTER

Skills:

(1) Kick

(2) Bash

(3) Rescue

(6) Pound

(9) Pummel

(12) Grapple

(15) Block

(18) Berserk

(21) Double Hit

Kinski: *GOD* Hmm... he didn't use gore

Romulus: *GOD* pummel yeah that's a mud word though

Ras: *GOD* boy, this formatting disk thing is going a lot faster now that I have the MUD to keep me occupied.

Romulus: *GOD* *laugh*

Ras: *GOD* someone load a Rottweiler in their room

Two things to note here: First, the list of 1993 warrior skills compared to the modern day (2017) list: lacking (16) Track, (19) Throw, (20) Craftsmanship, (20) Fire Weapons, (24) Disarm, and (27) Weapons Knowledge. Ras mentions formatting disks. It's possible that new players may have never formatted a floppy diskette, either 3.5" or 5.25" (or for ancient players, 8"). Before the advent of flash drives, CD-ROM, solid-state and other cheap media, you had to spend hours formatting diskettes which held up to 720K of data.

Planting Roses

Forplay groans loudly and pumps hard and deep, releasing deep inside you.

Kinski: *GOD* ROFL

Romulus: *GOD* no they'll get into bestiality

Ras: *GOD* cackle

Kinski: *GOD* he will, at any rate

Tincan: *GOD* role reversal hehe

Romulus: *GOD* seed… oh I see he's planting roses

Forplay pumps deep; hard but slowing until he eases out of you.

Planting Roses

Kinski: *GOD* Doesn't smell like roses

Romulus: *GOD* Thearria has been rather quiet

Romulus: *GOD* she's probably dead, neg hit points ;)

Tincan: *GOD* probably in a coma, etc

Kinski: *GOD* She's probably AFK

Forplay whispers to Tearria, 'Sorry hon... gotta go somewhere in a bit and I will
 need a shower before I go... ;)'

Ras: *GOD* oh no, is it over?

Tincan: *GOD* ie: Forplay says, "NEXT!"

Kinski: *GOD* Awwwwww

Romulus: *GOD* bwahahahaha he's looking for Kaayla

Tearria whispers to you, 'Okay, love.'

Romulus: *GOD* but she's left so maybe he'll start back up again ;)

You say, 'Still with me, hon?'

Tearria kisses you.

Tearria says, 'Still here.'

Ras: *GOD* hm.. I wonder why Tearria is suddenly typing so slowly?

Kinski: *GOD* Hmm... "are there cigarettes around here?"

Forplay group-says, 'Now, about this offer... the invitation... are you serious...?'

Romulus: *GOD* let this be a lesson to you all, THIS is why I didn't put in perverse socials :)

Tincan: *GOD* kiss/french--*snort/boggle/bark/noogie

Romulus: *GOD* we have to let everyone be themselves and MAKE them type out? "impale"

Tearria group-says, 'Do you want it to be an invitation?'

Kinski: *GOD* OOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!

Tincan: *GOD* what IS this invitation? hehe

Ras: *GOD* uh oh, now they're talking about RL

Tearria cuddles Forplay sweetly.

Forplay group-say, 'Do you want to invite me...? ;)'

Kinski: *GOD* Yep

You give Tearria a long and passionate kiss, it seems to take forever...

Kinski: *GOD* Woo woo!

Tearria group-says, 'I would love to invite you...'

Cheap Sex

Ras: *GOD* oh NO

Romulus: *GOD* Tearria you've just had ridiculous amts of disgusting mud sex...don't be coy babe

Kinski: *GOD* It's amazing how something as cheap as mudsex can turn into something as cheap as RL sex

Forplay group-says, 'Hmmm....how do you know you will like me, though... 
I might be ugly.'

Ras: *GOD* this is getting serious here.

Ras: *GOD* ok... who else thinks Tearria is actually a male?

Kinski: *GOD* I do!

Romulus: *GOD* *raises hand*

Tincan: *GOD* most likely, anyone see the crying game? *snort*

Ras: *GOD* where are these ppl from in RL?

Tearria group-says, 'I don't care about looks...especially with my looks...you
learn not to judge when you're ugly, too.'

The door is opened from the other side.

Ras: *GOD* we can only hope, for their sake, that they live far away from each other

ALT has arrived.

ALT Arrives

You split your sides laughing.

Romulus: *GOD* she is admitting she's a dog :) uh oh ALT just showed up?

Kinski: *GOD* Heheheh

Tincan: *GOD* LAFF

You group-say, 'Does that mean you are ugly, hon?'

Romulus: *GOD* scramble for the clothes! scramble for the clothes!

Kinski: *GOD* Hmm... I hope ALT isn't female

Tearria group-says, 'yes'

Ras: *GOD* uh oh she's about to get dumped

Tincan: force alt flee

Tincan refers to a IMM+ wiz command that imposes a remote action upon a player. While the command AT can only perform an emote on a player, force (a much higher privileged wiz command) can cause the player to perform a physical action, like flee.<

ALT leaves south.

Romulus: *GOD* what does he care what she looked like?? My god he wasn't even looking at her face for most of the time

Forplay group-says, 'I doubt that...'
 
Forplay closes the door.

Kinski: *GOD* Heheheh

Ras: *GOD* LAUGH

Tearria group-says, 'It's true...'

Forplay group-says, 'May I ask some personal questions, love?'

Romulus: *GOD* uh oh this is interesting

Tearria group-says, 'Yes, you may.'

Forplay group-says, 'No, you are just too hard on yourself.'

Romulus:  *GOD* Q: "Are you on the pill?" ?A: "Uh oh, it's a little too late for that"

Forplay group-says, 'Anyway, do you have a boyfriend?'

Ras: *GOD* laugh

Ras: *GOD* someone echo to them "You are famished... for sex."

Ras is suggesting that one of the GODs echo a message to Forplay and Tearria's output buffer. The wizard command "echo", much like "at" and "force", allows admin to present a message on the screen of a recipient or recipients. GECHO is a site wide ECHO command.

Kinski: *GOD* Laugh

Romulus: *GOD* and watch the entertainment dry up? ? no way!

Ras: *GOD* laugh

A Few Last Laughs

Tearria group-says, 'there's a guy whom i like a lot, but we haven't met yet...i'm
supposed to meet him in a month'

Kinski: *GOD* Heh, yeah... I need a few laughs

Forplay group-says, 'Doesn't matter...I don't care about looks....but I still
would bet you are pretty! :)'


Forplay group-says, 'Oh...hmmm...okay, more personal...do you have sex alot irl?'


Forplay group-says, '...or was this just a role-playing thing?'


Tearria group-says, 'Well until i broke up with my ex-fiance, yes there was
alot of sex for me in RL'


Forplay group-says, 'Fiance?? wow....'

Tearria group-says, 'Yep... fiance... unfortunately.'

Forplay group-says, 'BTW...why did you break up with your fiance?'

Tearria group-says, 'because he's a lying, cheating, jerk' 
Forplay group-says, 'oh...good reasons....;)'

Forplay group-says, 'No, I am sorry you were hurt by him...'

Kinski: *GOD* Ooooooooooh!

Ras: *GOD* WHOA!?

Ras: *GOD* that was a shot!

Forplay group-says, 'Do you like it in RL the same as you like it here... 
rough?'

Tearria group-says, 'not quite so rough in RL, but still rough'

Ras: *GOD* WHOA

Tearria group-says, 'Would you like to come here?'

Kinski: *GOD* Whoooooooooooooo!

Kinski: *GOD* Heheheheheheh

You group-say, 'Answer my question first... is that what I am being invited for?'

Tincan: *GOD* ahem

Ras: *GOD* COUGH

Kinski: *GOD* Heh

Tearria group-says, 'I'm inviting you to meet me, and if something happens,
it happens...'

Kinski: *GOD* He didn't do anything wrong...she just won't be able to walk for a week

Tincan: *GOD* let’s go to her place, print out the snoop file and title it a manual...

Kinski: *GOD* ROFL

Ras: *GOD* LAUGH

Ras: *GOD* or leave it taped to the door before he gets there

Kinski: *GOD* Yeah...complete with all the impales

Ras: *GOD* someone turn on a log ;-)